Thursday, April 13, 2006

Guilt!

I hate when M. calls me. Honestly, I can hear the pain in his voice. He sounds nervous and a lot like a little kid (which in many ways he is come to think of it). He called yesterday and I picked up the phone. We chatted for a few minutes and at one point he said to me, "God, it's so good to hear your voice," and the sentence was very naked and I could hear his pain. It made me so sad but I was even a little mean to him even though he was trying to reach out (again, in a very immature way, saying in his typical passive-aggressive fashion, "when are you going to come down and visit me?" I replied, "I don't have any plans to come down any time soon" because if he was a real man and a decent partner for me he would say something along the lines of "I want to fly you down asap to visit me. Your ticket will be booked just tell me the dates."). It just makes me feel so conflicted and guilty and sad for him.

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