Friday, January 13, 2006

Finally a date with C.

C. has been the guy, of all of them, that I've really been looking forward to going out with recently. Hilarious, rich, smart as shit. Finally, after much talking, and wonderment on my part, for a full month, we go out for drinks. It wa fun, it really was. When I was briefly in a sorority in college, during rush we were told that saying a pledge was "nice" was code word for "she's a sweet, normal girl, but no fuckin way." Well, C. is nice. More than nice, he's great!

I think my problem is that I am a Pisces and waaaaaaaaay too intuitive. I'm very good in a relationship, and loving and all, but when I am dating or hanging out with people, it's all very cut-and-dried. My mom and sister say that with me, it's all or night, black or white. Within five minutes of talking at the bar, I could read C. like a book and already felt like I had the upper hand, which for me is the dating kiss of death. How am I supposed to fantasize about someone taking care of me like M. didn't when I am able to predetermine his insecurities?

Of course, that didn't stop me from making him walk me home, pulling him into my foyer and forcing him to make out for a few minutes. It was decent (a little bit too much but overall not bad at all) but nothing that turned me on. Otherwise, I would have dragged him upstairs in a heartbeat. I haven't gone this long without sex in my entire life! I think I might have scared C. a little, not that I really care.

That said, I will happily go out with him again. He lavishes attention on me and I think I am starved for it right now. No, that's not true, because if I reeked of desperation, I wouldn't be attracting this many guys!

I keep stewing over the dichotomy of my relationship with M. On the one hand, I was fundamentally unhappy in many ways--the lack of overt care and communication on his part did us in at the end, but really he just wasn't great at the day-to-day realities of life and love. Everything was ephemera: he saw things esoterically. He couldn't deal with working on the relationship. However, I have yet to meet someone whose chemistry I am so basically connected to like I am with M. In the last four months since the dissolution of our relationship I have met, talked to, dated, made out with a TON of guys but haven't found my basic chemical match. I guess this is normal but I have never experienced something like this before.


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