Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Friends with Benefits

When I was still heavily entrenched in my relationship with M., I-oops-hooked up with one of his friends. A couple of times. Actually, B. is more of a good acquaintance of M...OK, I am making excuses. I was bored with M., horny and alone, and I went out looking for trouble. I literally wove my web around B. one night, firm in my intention to score. B. it should be noted, is a very good guy, but I was determined, and alas, he was no match for me. I just re-read that paragraph and it sounds like I am some sort of minx or supermodel. Not so. I just got game, at least according to my friends.

B. is a pretty good hookup, though he takes forever to come. I definitely enjoyed myself and he is one of those romantic, semi-erotic literary types, which made it much easier to kind of forget what I was doing and how relatively small our worlds are. Honestly, if nothing else, M. is very loyal and not a cheater and was the first guy I ever trusted and couldn't dig up any excuse to go crazy with jealousy over and it would have (and still would) rocked his world if he ever found about this transgression.

I just got interrupted with an email from one of M.s friend's girlfriends who hadn't heard yet we broke up. I love getting to tell my side of the story first.

Anyway, so B. and I hook up a couple of times and predictably I lose interst sooner rather than later. Mainly because he let me read something he wrote and I hated it. He's very smart but all of a sudden became human and fallible, which is never a good thing with me. Much to his credit, he was not a stalker, mainly because I was dating his friend, and he probably knew any efforts on that level would be completely futile. We stayed in touch, I edited some of his stuff here and there, and I thought it was put to rest.

Not so, as B. has been emailing me, complete with annoying subject lines, insisting that we really hang out. I have been ignoring him in the hopes that he gets the idea. I am spineless but it doesn't help that M. has been calling me lately and actually being solicitous and remembering things I told him in previous conversations, which is rare for him. There really is no reason for this post other than for the purposes of juxtaposition. My dance card is completely full, but I am not in the mood to dance with anyone other than M., even though I cannot be with him. What to do, what to do?

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